The Grammy Awards

As I munch on Eggos and chase them with a beer (mmmm!) I am typing a blow-by-blow commentary on this year's Grammy Awards. Let the yawning begin...

First, in untelevised awards news, I have to say that Sh-K-Boom was robbed. Spamalot should NOT have won Best Cast Recording. I was hoping for Spelling Bee.

The Gorillaz/Madonna thing was pretty cool.

Guilty pleasure - yay Kelly Clarkson!

Wow Gwenyth's hubby looks weird with the new hairdo. Fro or no fro, Coldplay rocks my socks.

YAWN country.

Why is U2 covered in smoke? The idea of Mary J. Blige dueting with U2 seems cool. But the way it actually sounds is another story altogether. Eeesh.

OMG DAVID BOWIE!!! For sure, better than just about anyone on this damn show. But a very weak honor, 2 seconds long, no emotion. No wonder he isn't even there to accept the damn thing.

Is anyone surprised that Kanye West won Best Rap album? If this guy shows up to the supermarket he gets an award. The thank you list thing was kinda funny. Why the hell is this guy wearing gloves?

Another couple of untelevised awards:
- Stevie Wonder won Best Male Pop Vocal Performance. I was routing for Jack Johnson but who can argue with Stevie?
- Maroon 5 won Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal. Whatevah.

Woooo Kelly Clarkson again - this time she's singing. I know she is a big ol' pop star but damn this girl can sing her bootie off.

OH NO! Why is Les Paul in the hospital??????? I hope he's okay!

Gwen Stefani's preggo stomach is fun.

Shocking. U2 won Best Rock Album. And they should. And of course Bono gave a weird speech. But who expects anything else? Here's to The Edge doing more of the talking from here on out.

Commercial break. (Holy crap - Badly Drawn Boys on a Target commercial. And Paula Abdul looking for love on the Dr. Phil show?) So back to untelevised awards:
- Les Paul won Best Pop Instrumental Performance. How can you compete with the master?
- Bruce Springsteen won Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance, beating out Neil Young, Eric Clapton, Robert Plant, Rob Thomas (how'd he get in there?) Since when are these the awards they skip over?

Ellen's non-introduction of Paul McCartney was awesome. As was Paul himself. Let's leave this thing to the pros. I mean, Helter Skelter? KICK ASS.

What's Jennifer Love Hewitt doing up there with the Black Eyed Peas? Anyone else remember Fergie when she was Stacy on Kids Incorporated? Man I used LOVE Ryan Lambert.

John Legend wins Best Male R&B Vocal. Yada yada.

MORE untelevised awards - again, they skip these now??:
Best Hard Rock Performance - System Of A Down
Best Metal Performance - Slipknot
Best Rock Instrumental Performance - Les Paul & Friends (WOO HOO!)
Best Rock Song - U2

OY VEY! Hairy Mariah Scary Carey. Holy hair extensions. Why does she always look like she's having a spaz attack when she sings. And who is this preacher man guy? Cue the church choir. Potty break! Nothing says Jesus like a jewel-encrusted microphone.

Michael Buble looks like Michael DeLuise.

Will it be Fiona Apple? WILL IT? Ah it's Kelly again. Best Pop Vocal Performance. Okieday.

Okay - country? YAWN. But wow is Keith Urban purrrrrrty.

What is Santana saying? Huh? Wha?

Linkin Park and Jay-Z. Ho hum.

More untelevised stuff that I would've liked to have seen:
Best Alternative Music Album - The White Stripes
Best Rap Performance By A Duo Or Group - Black Eyed Peas
Best Traditional Blues Album - BB King (Maria Muldaur would've been cool too)
Best Contemporary Blues Album - Delbert McClinton (Buddy Guy was robbed!)
Best Comedy Album - Chris Rock (BOOO! Dang I was hoping for Lewis Black to win.)

Sly Stone. Bad ass. I hope this rocks...
- So far so good, but that's Joss Stone. Little British whitegirl soul singer. woooooo. Who's this Devin guy? Someone enlighten me. Man I love that Fantasia. She's got the craziest growling voice. Love her. Maroon 5 and Ciara? WEIRD. Weirder - Ciara forgot her pants. Will I Am is a weirdo too but I like him. I still love Steven Tyler and Joe Perry but they look like cartoons of themselves these days.Holy shananigans Sly is a friggin nut. Just ... wow. Crazy giant black man with a blonde mohawk? He's awesome. I feel like tChili Peppers should have been involved in this mess.

LL Cool J. Ladies Love Cool James. Yes they do.

HOLY HOLY MOLY. I was bored when they announced Linkin Park and Jay-Z but - wait - what? HUH? In the biggest "what the %$#@# ?" moment, they were joined by Paul McCartney! Singing "Yesterday"! And Jay was wearing a John Lennon shirt. Surreal!

Tom Hanks needs a haircut.

Hey look. It's Bob Dylan. Oh wait - it's Bruce. What the? :)

Destiny's Child, I beg of you. PLEASE don't sing.

Another Grammy for U2. Still one of my favorite bands.

Opening on Broadway - Gold Digger: The Musical. That's what this is like!

Enough Jamie Foxx already. Yeesh.

Cream gets a lifetime achievement award. Jack Bruce stands up and quickly sits down. Awkward!

YAY! GREEN DAY!

This thing is like an endurance test. Grabbing another beer.

Is Christina holding on to the piano to keep her hand from flying away like it usually does when she sings?

John Legend is the Best New Artist. Okay whatever.

The In Memoriam thing always reminds me of people I forgot died. This year it's Chris Whitley. Sad. He was such a talent. No offense to Richard Pryor, who was of course a brilliant man. But what does he have to do with music?

Steve Lillywhite looks like one of Elton John's groomsmen.

FINALLY! It's almost over.

And the Album of the Year goes to U2! Woo hoo! Soon I can get some sleep!

Why are people booing and then cheering through this guy's speech?

And where's Elvis Costello?

Oh there he is. Goodnight!